Suashi
by Lady Yami
Summary: A pseudoepic tale about a wry human medium, the vain bloodelf, and the racially diverse group of people that band together for the sake of...nothing. Until an Eredar spy must be found before Shattrath is destroyed, that is. Humor, romance, and violence.


Suashi

By Toki

AN: Attempt at full length story. OH LAW—Title "Suashi" means "barefoot" in Japanese. Sort of a fitting theme, but emerges later? Also the name of an amazing AKINO song. I'm not a SoA fangirl, I swear. (looks shifty) Long first chapter, sorry.

Summary: Meryl Mistwalker is a somewhat-curvy, ever-nervous shadow priest with the ability to confer with those who have passed on. Unfortunately for her, her friend Earnie decides to make her see the world by stranding her in the Outlands. If you thought that was bad enough, throw in the murderous pervert Forsaken warlock, the wimpy-seeming draenei warrior that may be insane, several justice-crazed draenei guards bent on getting you arrested, a schizophrenic tauren bent on collecting every plant in the known universe, and the arrogant-but-super-hot blood elf paladin guy that thinks you are a fatass, but follows you around anyway. Let the good times roll.

Disclaimer: Do not own WoW, etc.

X X X

A month ago, I was that frumpy kid from Darkshire that was known for unruly curls and a vast vocabulary. Nothing unusual. But now? Now I'm fighting the Legion. With the Horde. Well a few of them. Maybe that oh-so-eternal seeming month again, I would barely have considered sitting down to lunch with a tauren. Now I consider one a dear friend and trusted comrade. Those words wouldn't have meant much either. Especially trust. You need a lot of that in your friends, by the way.

Especially when you're fighting an Eredar. But I suppose we can take this back a bit, and show you how I landed in this old fashioned show down between good and bad.

X X X

The Outland sky goes somewhere beyond the realm of beautiful, and straight into the bizarre. All manners of blue and green, splashed across an endless starry canvas.

That's a bit much, isn't it?

Well, despite the massive corniness, that's how I felt at first. Completely mesmerized. Down and to the right, my friend Earnie cackled. The gnome mage was a longtime friend, and was always trying to force me into portals to strange-ass places. When he had told me I should see the Outlands, I had outright refused. The Legion, The Horde, and God knows what else roamed around out there. Plus, Earnie was an experienced adventurer. I'm getting there myself, but uh…Not quite there yet.

"Close your mouth, you'll catch enormous flies," he advised, tugging my sleeve. I did so, turning to smile at him.

"Wow, you actually sent me some place that didn't involve me drowning, falling, being killed, being sacrificed in demonic rituals, or—".

He held up his hand to cut me off. "Think nothing of it, Meryl. Now, if you excuse me, I have to bust up a few faces in Karazahan."

I groaned. "Again?"

He nodded. "Yeah. One more piece of antique junk before the draenei around here give me some nice stuff," he cackled insanely. I scratched my head in thought. Hmm…

"Just wander around a bit. As long as you don't leave the city, nothin' can hurt you."

Of course just as he said this, an enormous tauren sauntered by casually, throwing a casual glance at the tiny mage and I. Great. Earnie chuckled. "Horde can't hurt you here. Naaru and whatnot." I guess my face was still pretty dubious, because he sighed. "Give me your bracers, Meryl. You ninny wimp priest. You're huge, why are you even worried?" I mumbled and held my hands out. Damn midget. Humans are not huge. In fact, we're tiny to most of the Horde. I seriously think I come up to a male troll's _waist_. Thank god the draenei showed up in their semi-hugeness. We needed it.

He began fiddling with something in his bag, humming while he deftly weaved nether around my wrists, until there was a splendid "ding!" sound. Runes now slid lazily across the surface of my bracers. I flexed my wrist, studying it closely. Gack. My glasses slid down my face. I used my free hand to fix them.

"There you go, Meryl. A little zing to your zap." He folded his arms and looked satisfied, like he had just assured my long life. Sure. I'm gonna go pick a fight with Kael'thas Sunstrider, right now.

"Thanks Earnie."

"You should be, I normally charge an arm and a leg for that stuff." He looked around. "Like I said, you should be fine. You need to explore, anyway. It's good for you. Shattrath is a good place to do it. Just…watch your back in the Lower City, and I wouldn't venture too close to the Scryers tower."

"Scryers?"

"Blood elves. Sin'dorei. Whatever you wanna call them. Vain, mana-addicted elves. They say they're neutral but you never know with that lot."

I nodded. Luckily for him being distrustful comes naturally to me. Comes from being raised in Darkshire. That, and several other interesting things that occurred after being raised in mini-hell.

"Oh yeah, and one other thing. Don't get to close to—".

And then he faded. Where gnome once was, there was air.

An orc from a few yards over laughed at me.

The wind blew. Silence.

THAT FAGGOT ABANDONED ME. WHAT A JERK. I bit my tongue and tried not to scream in frustration. Dammit. Screw exploring. I'm going back to my creepy house in creepy Darkshire with creepy Madam Eva and I'm going to read a creepy book and fall asleep and hopefully have non-creepy dreams for once. Most of mine feature dead people pointing at random things, worgens, really sad night elf ladies, and steadily more irritating, some platinum-blonde elf that insists on telling me I'm fat.

I'm topheavy and I have big hips, for A'dal's sake. Most people tend to think I'll grow out of it. The fact is, though, I confuse dwarves. They start talking to me in Dwarvish til they get closer and shrug.

Meh. I looked around. I was standing on the Aldor tower, as it was the faction that Earnie had pledged his allegiance too. It was nice and breezy, with lots of waterfalls and other docile, relaxing things. Portraits of King Boogerlips and Jaina Proudmoore adorned the inn. Too bad there was a Forsaken in heavy black and red robes eyeing me suspiciously. I blinked at him.

He winked at me, grinning.

Oh, God. Time to run. I took off north, towards a circular platform and many heavily armed draenei. It felt good, stepping nimbly into the midst of them. I've never been one to really rue the Horde, but being around fellow alliance members was nice. Getting my bearings, I turned east and nearly had a seizure. There was a massive dropoff from what I could see. I wonder where it goes to…There's an elevator! Ah-hah! I went to set off for it when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned, expecting it to be that forsaken, holding a bouquet of roses.

It was a female draenei, in gold and lavender armor, looking highly impressive. "Are you lost, little creature?" She asked in her strangely accented voice. "You look confused, and like you were running from something. Is everything alright?"

I blinked. Um. "N-naw. Uh…Just…wandering around?"

She tilted her head at me. Talking to draenei women is kind of difficult. I have to look alllllll the way up, or my face is basically in their breasts. Which are rather profound, and blue. Awkward? Very much so, yes. I have big boobs too, but they aren't blue. I was contemplating cleavage amongst the races complete with elevator music when the draenei lady laughed and clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"Ahah, wanderlust! She strikes me sometimes too, no? It is good to explore. Opens young minds," she piped cheerily. "Shattrath is a good place to do it, too. Very safe."

I nodded, hoping for immanent escape. No such luck. "I'm Telani Mezzla. And you are, friend?"

"Meryl Mistwalker." I offered. I hate having two "M" names. It's been a source of constant vexation since my younger days.

"My, what a gloomy name!"

That, too. Again, Darkshire, medium, dead people, creepiness, etc. I would like to add that my sisters are named Evangeline and Laura. How come I get the crappy name? Because I can see dead people. Why did I have to be born last? Because God hates me. The name comes from a saint that supposedly graced Darkshire with her presence a while back. Some sort of sacred virgin hoohaw attached with it. I wear the necklace until I get married. Neat, huh?

"Ah-hah, yeah. It's a family name. " I explained. Telani nodded, and opened her mouth to say something else when someone called to her behind her, saying her name and then saying something in rapid-fire whateveritisdraeneispeak. Yeesh. That is one hell of an angry sounding language.

"Oh boo, my fun is ruined. Farewell, Meryl!" She patted me on the head like I was some sort of delightful pet you would perhaps shoo off your furniture, and clip-clopped off in the opposite direction. I'll never get used to the hooves…

I walked calmly towards the elevator, contemplating summoning my mount. Naw. Not worth it. I'll just take my time, and enjoy this little fiasco. What good could possibly come from rushing?

I was stepping off the perilous elevator of doom when that forsaken DID decide to show up, sliding melodramatically in front of me to grunt something at me in Orcish. I kept walking westward, giving him various dirty looks as I went further and further into the quieter part of the city. He followed, mumbling something.

I shrugged at him, desperately trying to avoid the freakiness factor oozing from him. It exceeded even standard forsaken creepy-levels. Oh. He's riding a felsteed. That would explain it. Warlock. The taint of black magic was nearly a visible shroud around him. Technically you could probably call me a shadow priest, but my own abilities rely on the darkness of the mortal soul---not taking a bath with demons.

Very different things, though you wouldn't think it.

"Sorry, I forget sometimes," he said in a deep, gravelly voice. I raised an eyebrow at him as he gently pulled on the reins, to steer the summoned horse towards me. I paused, against my better judgment. "So, what're you doing here in Shattrath, hm?" His burning gold eyes were focused on me, and he shook strands of black hair out of his face. It looked like he hadn't deteriorated much before the plague. His face was almost intact, though far too blue for…y'know, life. Maybe his body was somewhere very cold.

I sighed in my mind, desperately wanting Darkshire. "U-um. Just. Learning?"

He studied me, then laughed. I hated it. It made my blood turn to frozen sludge in my veins. After his cackle was apparently done, he gestured at the city behind him. I tried not to stare at the exposed bones of his fingers. "About what? There's not much to learn. The draenei are justice-loving nerds, and the blood elves are hypocrites. What more do you need to know?"

I sighed aloud this time. I had forgotten that the Horde is an "alliance of necessity". They basically all use each other. I wonder if Thrall is stupid, despite my parents telling me to respect him for his intelligence and skill. "Um. Their…favorite foods?"

The undead scratched his head. "Talbuk and arcane magic."

"…Are you serious? Talbuk?"

"Yep."

Gross. Draenei, your reputation with Creepy Medium Girl has decreased significantly. Poor goats.

"Uhh, but yeah, that's basically it." I said to him, voiding the fact that I'd basically been left here by Earnie. Little bastard. I'm punting him off Tempest Keep, next time I see him.

The warlock grinned. "Well then, miss priest. I have one other question to ask you."

I shrugged. "Shoot." I offered, desperately hoping it would be directions to the nearest portal to the Undercity or something. Please, just leave me alone to wander. Hopefully back into a cloud of particularly humungous draenei vindicators. Even better, huge draenei paladins with mysterious pies and piping hot cocoa. I come from a family of bakers. Pie is holy in my family.

"That necklace real? You a Mistwalker?"

"Yeah, so?" I fingered the aged iron cross hanging around my neck. It stood out sharply to the black and white of my runecloth robes.

"I figured. Circles under the eyes, glasses, huge cans. Definitely a Mistwalker woman. Or should I say _girl_." He grinned, eyeing the "OH LORD, A VIRGIN?" necklace.

Oh haha, very funny. I hope he dies.

Again.

In a fire.

"It works out so very perfectly, though. You see, I need a virgin _companion_ for a ritual I need to perform." The way he practically purred _companion_ made me think I was going to die, and _terribly_.

I chose now to back up. Rapidly. "And it also happens," the warlock said slowly, "that you would make a wonderful meal, after." The horse disappeared in a cloud of black smoke. He fixed his gloves as he advanced on me, humming some eerie song I know I've heard before.

Did he just call me fat? What a jerk, honestly. But back to me about to be tortured, killed and eaten. Mind numbing, I hastily threw up a shield and held my staff out diagonally in front of me, praying I wouldn't fall to my usual habit of tripping over my own feet and landing ass-first in the air.

"Stay real still, and ---".

Fwoosh.

There was a gold flash, traveling a good foot past me to my right from behind. His arm went clattering loudly into the distance some twenty feet behind him. He stared at it with mild disdain. Sort of like _'Oh, it appears I have lost an appendage of sorts. At least it wasn't my monocle-applying arm.'_

"NONE OF THIS IN SHATTRATH!" A most definitely masculine voice boomed behind me. I looked up in time to see a huge blue hand descend upon me at lightspeed. I shrieked and stepped sideways. My foot caught on the hem of my robe, as usual, and I fell, as usual. Luckily my Outland-sized butt shielded my tailbone from most of the impact, but it ate the shield pretty well.

"What? I wasn't doing anything bad," the warlock said cheerily to the massive paladin climbing off his armored Elekk. He donned the same armor as Telani, though his skin was far darker, and his hair a sharp white.

"Nonsense! Both of you are under arrest! Your names and corresponding factions, now!" He barked, turning to look back at me. I was brushing myself off and cowering, simultaneously.

"Tegras, Aldor."

"Tegras what?"

"Tegras." He shrugged. "I don't remember my name when I was alive."

I saw a brief ripple of revulsion pass through the guard's body. "You, human?"

"U-uh Fakey McChubblesbomb?"

"Tegras! McChubblesbomb," he fumbled with my name, but kept up the same righteous fury. The Forsaken caught my eye, laughter bubbling in his eyes. He seemed very relaxed, I noticed, slowly backing towards the arm the guard had taken off so skillfully. I glanced around behind me. There was an arch, with apparently some elevator up top. Now was my chance, while the guard shook the Forsaken's own arm at him in lecture. I turned on my heel, dashing for the ramp that lead to the elevator. I breezed past the draenei guard, who barely looked at me, staring bored into space in front him.

Unfortunately, it appeared I picked the wrong elevator, it seemed. Two blood elves guarded it, I realized as I clambered on. They threw me a look of mild interest, as I was out of breath. I turned my gaze to straight in front of me, and prayed they would do the same.

The faint sound of water floated down towards me as I approached the top of the lift, and the sound of voices. I stepped off it to face a beautiful fountain, and two gigantic monster things that looked down at me. I stared up, up, way up, and gulped. I'm sick of looking up, really.

And then of course, from far below. "THERE IS A CONVICT UP THERE! FAKEY MCCHUBBLESDINGDONG SENIOR IS HER NAME! I DEMAND HER CAPTURE AT ONCE FOR DISTURBING THE PEACE!"

I whistled nonchalantly, walking past the guards and feeling more and more awkward with each step. I passed a group of blood elves that didn't even bother looking at me, and headed off to the left towards some little tents. The further from the insane draenei, the better. To my intense relief, I found a little bench in a corner. Maybe I can wait this out til I can find Earnie. I reached into my netherweave pouch, fumbling around for a book. The pouch was enchanted to be roughly ten times bigger than it appeared on the outside, so I found several. I also found a pretty gold-colored flower in there for some reason, which I stuck behind my hair as an afterthought. It contrasted sharply to the almighty blackness of it. Finally successful in fishing out _"Why Warlocks Suck: Welcome to the Priesthood!"_, I set myself upon trying to calm myself and enjoy my angry, angry book.

I was just getting the part about Death Coil when there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned, expecting it to be the warlock/the guard/the female guard, but it was yet another new person in my life today.

Well, maybe not so new. Lo and behold, the blood elf from my dreams. I swallowed deeply. Last time something in one of my dreams came true, my father nearly died.

"Hey, human. I feel like I've seen you before."

"Y-you have, have you?" I replied, hugging the book to my chest. I think my glasses slipped down the front of my nose. Like all of his kind, he was very tall and handsome, with piercing green eyes and extremely long blonde hair kept in a ponytail down his back. Ahh, the things I'll never be able to touch. Just ogle at from a distance and hope they don't see me drool.

"Well, it's not hard," he chuckled, smiling at me. "You aren't a small target," he snorted, and started laughing insanely. Behind him, several more blood elves, mostly girls, laughed. Audience to my torture. It's school all over again. I know how to deal with this though, I am tough.

I flipped the blood elf off and began to read again. My powers are astounding, no? "Aww, she's ignoring me, guys!" The elf continued, and snatched the flower out my hair.

Hey. I leapt up onto the bench and turned, which would have normally been many, many steps beyond my usual physical abilities. I made a grab for it as he used his major height advantage to hold it out of my reach. "Awww c'mon, I know you can reach!"

"She can't, but I can," a tauren said quietly as he stepped up behind the blood elf, somehow delicately plucking the flower out of the blonde's hand to hold it out to me.

"T-thank you," I said, taking it back. Behind him, the three girls laughing at me were hissing amongst each other and glaring at the tauren, faces wrinkled in disgust.

"You are welcome, miss," he said with matching respect. The jerk elf was still blinking at his own empty hand. "May I ask where you got it?"

"Um, I think was walking around Elwynn. Why, want it?"

He looked shy, tail swishing. "I can pay you for it. They don't really grow in our territory, and I'd very much like one to dry and keep."

"Then keep it!" I urged, feeling comfortable around the tauren. The tauren giggled.

Giggled.

And I realized that "he" was a "she", but just in heavy armor. No wonder I felt comfortable. I held it out, and she took it gingerly.

"T-thank you." She smiled. I like tauren faces a lot. Their eyes have a lot of expression.

"Hey!" The blood elf snorted. "What is this, some sort of big girl parade?"

"Cut it out, numbnuts. If you were as smart as you were blonde and arrogant, you'd be leading The Scryers. Speaking from a strictly female perspective you'll be entertaining until they mature at some point in life and realize you're a dumb asshole. Get it?"

I then whirled, grabbing my book. The sin'dorei girls hissed and shuffled off, reminding me of a group of angry snakes with a lot of sex appeal.

I was halfway to the elevator when I realized the tauren was following me. She looked away from me, barely able to talk. "I-I had a reading done a week ago. Earth Mother told me of a strange friend to keep close. I know it sounds weird, but I wonder if it was you?"

I tilted my head. "Anything's possible. I have dreams that end up coming true all the time. Mistwalker thing."

"Your family is…?"

"Mediums."

"Oh." She looked a bit scared.

I giggled nervously. People normally do get antsy. "Not warlocks. We call ourselves 'Speaker for the Bones'". She nodded. "I'm Meryl Mistwalker."

"I'm Tuli Grasshoof."

I will spare you boring inbetween stuff yet again. We had a lovely conversation about divination, and then I went down the elevator. Unfortunately I forgot I was a convict and the Shat'tar found me pretty quickly.

As Esvenius would later say – Man'ari!

AN: Lonngggg chapter, sorry. xD Reviews appreciated.


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